All Alone with No One to Fill the Empty Spaces

When I am angry, I turn into the Incredible Hulk. When I am sad, I turn invisible. When I am angry, I must do everything in my power to keep from destroying everything around me. When I am sad, I must do everything in my power to keep from completely disappearing. When the Hulk comes out, even I am scared. He makes loud, incomprehensible noises to express what he's trying to say. When I turn invisible, no one can see me, or hurt me anymore.

Hulk is not actually an angry man. Really, he's just a sad little boy. He's scared. But he doesn't want to show his sadness, so he converts it into anger. He does not want to be angry, though. Look at his eyes when he's angry; you'll see tears.

Sometimes I want to run away. I don't know where to, though, as there's no place I'd rather be than in my own mind. And really, I cannot, in reality, run away to my mind. My mind is always there, but it isn't always open to me. It closes, telling me to deal with my problems on my own. I'm so invisible that I can't even see my self; I am unable to help myself.

Alot of the times when I am invisible, I read. As of late, I've found that I cannot read something if it is not either a fanfiction or of the fantasy genre. When I'm invisibly reading, I slowly come to. I shimmer back to reality. Or rather, everyone else's reality. When I read, my reality becomes that of what I am reading.

Right now I am reading the Generation Dead series by Daniel Waters. That is my reality. The differently biotic people-kids-in that book are the people I see. They are the ones I try to relate to (though, as a "traditionally biotic" person, I cannot relate to them). I do, however, feel for them. They cannot feel (or can they? I really haven't figured that out yet), and some of them are all alone. I, myself, sometimes feel like that. Now, I recommend that you read those books (Generation Dead and Kiss of Life), so that you can understand how amazing they are.

At the end of all of my blogs now, I am going to try to put a happy/funny quote, no matter the content of the entry. Here is the first (from my History class today):

Mick: *raises hand* Mick knows, I think.
Mr. Schreiber: "Mr. Schreiber is wondering why Mick is speaking of himself in third person."
Mick: "And Mick is wondering why Mr. Schreiber is wondering, uhm- Nevermind."
Class: *laughs*

February Third? Yes.

That was probably one of the best days of my life. I think I may be exaggerating that a tad, but right at this moment it's definitely the truth. That was the day of my second The Used show. It was at Val Air, which, I have to admit, is one of my favorite venues. My mom and her boyfriend drove me there after school, where I met up with my lovely friend Madi, and her amazing friend Quinn. I was semi-forced to stand back by the buses with Madi before the show started. You see, she is madly in love with Dan Whitesides. Her goal for that week, as she was going to see them again three days later, was to meet him. Her goal was met. Shortly after I arrived, Mr. Whitesides and my very own love, Quinn Allman, showed themselves to us. At first I had no idea what to do. All I saw was Madi standing over by Quinn and Dan, and I was desperately nervous. I wanted to go over there, but thought to myself, What would I say? In the end, though, I merely skipped over to them. I also did that awkward thing you sometimes do when you skip. You know, when you jump to a stop and almost fall flat on your face, so you lean back? Yes, I did that. Then, Quinn looked over to me and said, "Hey." Of course, I couldn't just say nothing. I said, in a very cheerful and extremely nervous, high-pitched voice, "Hello!" My favorite part of being around him was probably when I was going to have Madi take a picture of the two of us, so we were standing side-by-side hugging, and she got too preoccupied with taking pictures of herself and Dan to even realize that I wanted her to take a photo of Quinn and I. Quinn said quietly, as I lowered my arm with my phone in it, "Or not." and I replied to him with an awkward squeeze/hug while saying, "This is fine, too, though." I also happened to like when Quinn was getting ready to leave; he gave us all hugs. Madi, however, does not remember this, as she was too involved in talking with Dan.

Shannon Leto Is Sex.

Hm.. First entry, and nothing to say? How awkward. I suppose I could explain the title of this entry, but I'm really not in the mood to do so right now. I will simply say this, Twitter. And now, I will recount the normal, boring events of my day.

I woke up, which lately has been a frightening event, as my alarm tone is set to Take It Away by The Used (it's loud and I tend to jump when it starts going off), and, as always, took a shower. I then proceded to accidentally sit on Bert McMooMoo, the little stuffed cow my mom has. It was an accident though, and I digress. I sat on the couch watching...well, I really don't remember what I was watching, but it was probably Spongebob. Which reminds me of something that happened in Geometry. I think I'll skip up to that shortly. My mom and sister, Amaya, woke up and we headed off to school.

Walking into school, I have the same feelings now that I did on the very first day. This year was my first year of high school. I also started a new school, which never really is a good thing, or so you'd think. I walk through the doors and still feel like everyone's staring at me; like I'm some kind of freak. I, of course, know that I'm not, and continue on to my locker and then up to the third floor to Mr. Gould's Geometry classroom. I'm pretty much always the first girl in the classroom, along with Will and Tyler. They are eighth graders. It bothers me that they're in my class. But, once again, I digress. I walk past them and to my desk. We had a test today, but I missed a couple days last week and really didn't think I'd be ready to take it. So I asked Mr. Gould, after the bells had rung, if I could take the test tomorrow and finish all of my make up work during the class period. He was against it, but said that I could. I finished my make up work, but he continued to make me redo it, as, apparently, I was doing it wrong. That severely pissed me off. I just wanted the credit for what I had done, not criticism on my work. I know that I suck at Geometry, I don't need him to tell me.

Second period was English, which I really happen to like. Right now we are studying Romeo and Juliet. I am in love with it. We're only halfway through Act I, but I can already tell it's going to be amazing. I'm a very shy person, and today one of our Turkish student teachers, Abibe, had me read my summary of Scene 2. As I read it, I could feel my cheeks heat up. (I've just now realized that this blog entry is extremely boring. I'm sorry if you die from it.)

Third was gym. Nothing too exciting there. But fourth period is one of my favorites. I absolutely love Spanish. Sra. Anderson is one of the most amazing teachers ever, in my humble opinion. I'm pretty sure nothing exciting happened today, except for when we had to compare Eminem (whom I love) and Bill Clinton. That part was extremely amazing.

I'm not even going to speak of my fifth hour class, I despise it so. All I will say is that it is Science. Then I had lunch. It was one of the best lunches I've had; I don't understand why anyone would say that the lunches served at school are inedible, as they're really quite delicious. Today I had pizza, macaroni and cheese, and oreo fluff.

The rest of the day went by fast, as after that I have study hall and History (which I love more than Spanish). Of course, right when the final bell rang to release us from school, I quickly went to my locker, then zoomed straight up to the library. I go there everyday after school, and I just recently found an amazing book called Generation Dead (by Daniel Waters). You should definitely read it, as it's so amazingly amazing.

My mom took me shopping and bought me really ghetto jeans. She said she'll take me shopping again this weekend. I'm holding her to that.

Well, this was an extremely dull and boring account of my day. Sorry to anyone who sat through and read all of it.